Friendships at work - yay or nay?
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The monthly theme of August for 3byMe is “Relationships” and I picked it for the month of August, because I feel that it’s a good moment to think about our relationships, reconnect with friends and family and also check in with yourself. It’s usually a time for holidays as well and hopefully you are reading this blog article with a view of the sea, mountains or simply from the comfort of your couch.
We spend so much time at work and that’s why I wanted to start the “relationship series” of blog articles with exactly that. I also didn’t pick the topic of friendship by coincidence. There are plenty of articles and books out there where you can learn how to best create and maintain your relationships at work; which relationships at work will really help you, and which boundaries may not be crossed.
Very often there is also a cultural aspect to it - maybe you live and work in a country where work and private life are strictly separated, or maybe you basically consider your colleagues family and share everything with them.
During most of my career, I have worked in an international environment and have experienced different situations. On top of that, I should mention that I rarely stayed longer than 2 years in a position, which meant that I had to start building relationships from scratch quite frequently.
Was I lucky enough to create friendships with some colleagues? Yes!
Do I think that it has been hard to find “my people”? Double yes!
Finding your place in a new team is already hard enough and you depend on the kindness, openness and patience of your colleagues to understand the different processes and topics you are dealing with. And no matter where they are from, they come with their own baggage of experiences and have their own personality.
What helped me to create friendships with colleagues, was to look outside my broader team and look for groups that follow my interests. In my case it was a group of women who wanted to have a space where they can learn about leadership related topics or simply exchange on personal growth in general. I’m still in touch with some of them and we became friends.
I also learned that it’s not only about the others, but also about you and the effort you put into creating (first) good relationships with your colleagues, which can result in friendships. It takes time for people to get to know and trust you, it takes time for you (if you are like me) to open up and share more about yourself. Maybe you start with a coffee or a lunch and after a while, this can turn into invitations to picnics or brunches. :)
In the end, your colleagues are also only people who are looking for connection and an exchange. Behind all the titles and hierarchy, there are people who also simply want to be understood and heard. If you are not afraid of making some bad experiences here and there, and to open up and not take certain reactions too personally, you will be able to make friends at work, who will also be there for you outside working hours and even after you left your job.
Good luck!